Short Story: “Burn Notice”

“BURN NOTICE”

A Rett Bonneville Story

By Anne M. Freeman^©

 

I was steamed.  A techie friend culled the computer IP address from recent nasty-gram that was posted on my blog, talking shit about me as a performer.   The flamer turned out to be a twit who pitched a fit when I was given the lead spot at the Saturday night performance for a county fair recently instead of her.  A poor loser, evidently. But now I knew where she lived.

I circling her house a few times, reminding myself that acting in haste is never a good idea, especially when I am pissed.  After driving home, an hour of yoga in the garden near my water fountain brought a little Zen into my breathing.  I let the sound of running water untangle knots in my gut.  Breath in, breath out … breath in, breath out … a plan slowly fell into place on how I was going to deal with this nitwit.

I had to act fast to limit the damage so I contacted my graphic artist and asked him to create some graphic badges to post on my blog ASAP.  The badges were e-mailed to me the next day.  The badges contained my blog avatar, which looks like a cartoon of me.  She stood with a military stance with her feet spread slightly apart.  In her right hand, she held a garden hoe with the top end planted by her right foot and her hand clutching the neck of the hoe.  She held the straight out from her body with an outstretched arm.  She wore some hot-looking fatigues and a bad attitude on her face.  I had codes for three versions of the badge, one where the hoe has a blue ribbon tied to it, one with a red ribbon, and one with a yellow ribbon.  Perfect!

With the blog badge codes in hand, I was ready.  I typed the following post on my blog:

Title:  “New Contest”

Dear Fans and Fellow Bloggers:

You’ve seen the nasty-grams some unhappy person is posting on my blog.  It’s a sorry way for a fellow singer/songwriter to behave.  Yes, I do know who the flamer is.  Many of you have asked what you can do to help me deal with this loser.  I’ve decided that instead of getting mad, let’s have a little fun with her.  I invite you to participate in a new contest.  Here are your contest clues:

• The flamer is a she.
• I performed with her at the same event.
• The event occurred within the last year.

The first five people who send me the correct answer will win two free tickets to my upcoming concert, a signed CD, and the code for my new blog badge you can post on your blog called, “The Silly Hoe Award.”  The badge features my avatar holding a garden hoe with a blue ribbon tied to it.  Underneath the badge is the following statement:

                       I am a First Place Winner of the Rett Bonneville “Silly Hoe Award”

      Awarded to me by for digging out the nasty weed, (the flamer’s name will be here),

                                 That was growing in Rett Bonneville’s Music Blog  

 

The next 10 people with the correct answer will win a signed CD and the code for the red-ribboned second place “Silly Hoe Award” badge. 

The yellow-ribboned third place “Silly Hoe Award” badge will be available to all the rest just for the asking.

Good luck!

~ Rett

After clicking the “post” button, I sat back and waited.  Within minutes, the responses began rolling in with friends and fans asking for the codes.  Many had the correct name.  Of course, I will send everyone the yellow ribbon badge with that twit’s name on it so thousands will see what a silly hoe she really is.  I smiled.

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P.S. Hey Folks:  I realized after posting this story that some of you may not be up on the latest pop culture allusions and terminology used in the story, and you won’t be able to get the joke.  If you found yourself scratching your head, and want to know what was going on, below are the meanings of the pop culture allusions:

“Burn Notice” is the title of a popular TV series about a spy who receives a burn notice from his intelligence agency because an unknown colleague fed bad information to the agency about the spy.  In real life, a burn notice means the spy is no longer credible and the spy is cut off from the agency.

Flaming, carried out by individuals known as flamers, are inflammatory posts put on someone’s website or blog.  The flamer is trying to incite hostility towards the person who owns the blog or website on which the flamer has posted. In real life, if an artist gets flamed on his/her website/blog and the artist’s fans believe the flamer, it can cause real damage to the artist’s career.

“Silly Hoe” is a play on words for “silly ho.”   “Ho is slang used in hip-hop and rap pop culture for “whore,” or woman (not a paid prostitute).  A silly ho would be a silly, stupid or bad behaving woman.

“Badge” is a graphic image used on a website or blog.  If you receive the HTML code for a web badge and paste the HTML code on your blog or website, the badge image will appear on your blog or website.

“Avatar” is the graphical representation of the blog or website’s owner’s alter ego or character (not the movie).

In this story, Rett puts a burn notice on her nemesis and discredit her by calling her a silly ho and inviting her fans to call her nemesis a silly ho, too, on their own websites.  She hopes to accomplish by giving her fans the code for a web badge that includes Rett’s avatar and the flamer’s name to post on their own websites.

~Anne

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